April 20th, 2010

Hi cat bloggers this is Tyganas Mom. I know you all purred and purrayed your very best, but the cancer was just too strong.

I got a call at 11:33pm eastern time Saturday April 17th from my Moms husband telling me that my Mom had passed.

The next day I asked him what happened. Turns out that night Mom began to have trouble breathing and was breathing very heavy and couldn't get any words out and her blood pressure would not register. So he called the hospice nurse and she came over right away, Moms blood pressure still wouldn't register, she was still breathing very hard and I think she signed a DNR without telling me about it but I do remember hearing discussions about it before....but then the breathing just stopped.

I really hate that she was awake.

So now as you all read this I am on my way back to my hometown for my Moms services then to put her to rest. Also, to be with my remaining family.

It just really feels like this whole thing should not have happened...she never even made it to her 50th birthday before that evil beast took her down.

So now here I am.....23....with no Mom to call home to.

In an attempt to feel closer to her I have started a new hobby.

When my Mom was younger she was an avid crocheter. I mean she could make tons of beautiful things every day she was good and fast. When I was down there I got a dress that she herself had crocheted and it's lovely. For some reason she stopped when I was younger.

So I went to the store and got some thread and a learn to crochet kit.

I am now working on my first blanket.

Does it make me feel closer to her? ....a bit. It's like something we can share even though it's a little too late. But I do like doing it and found lots of cute patterns of things I would love to try and make.

I still feel weird when I go through the contacts list on my phone and see her name there......

Mommy.

But knowing if I call I won't get anyone but her husband, and I really have no desire or anything to really say to him other than the last couple days going over some of the funeral arrangements.

When I was down there about two weeks ago my Mom gave me a lot of stuff...when my Dad was driving me to the airport he told me to be careful because he thinks Mom knows the time is going to be coming soon or there is no way she would part with her things.

If she was going to just go with the liver drain or whether she was going to get it removed without telling us we weren't sure.....I believed him but I didn't really take it heart.

She didn't remove the liver drain...but it still happened.

I HATE CANCER!

It took my Mom at an early age, I never met my Grandfather because he died of cancer before I was born and now it has a hold of my Dad. (I'm hoping with every fiber of my being that after treatment Dad's will be essentially cured)

So until later cat blogosphere. I will be back and my ' Guess What Thursday' post is already ready to post so that will still go as planned. But as far as any other posting goes it might be a week...it might be two. I'll still lurk around and read things here and there, but I can't make any promises to comment or post. Hopefully you all will still be here when this is over to share in Tygana's adventures.